I read the Huffington Post everyday of my life...at least twice. I love that they have a "DIVORCE" page and actually, the articles are usually pretty interesting. The famous article by Tracy McMillian about why you're not married was posted there and it caused quite an uproar, but c'mon...read it and TRY to disagree with all it. Impossible. It's quite probable that if you're like me...upper 30's and STILL not RE-married, that you're one of the things Tracy talks about. I definitely fall into #2 and #5 without even thinking about it.
Another recent article in the HuffPost, by Donna Estes Antebi, author of The Real Secrets Women Only Whisper (which I started reading last night), talks about prenups becoming commonplace these days. I read about 5 books at one time and am likely to only finish one in the next year. I'm also reading Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert (author of eat pray love, my most favorite book ever) and she said the same thing. Don't be shocked if you get handed one and don't be shocked if you think that it might be a good idea to hand him one. I mean, it doesn't have to be about one of the two in the marriage coming in with more money than the other. It could be that the two of you actually realize that marriage is...wait...let me back up.
I loved being married. I think I was a decent wife (not the best, but good enough). I want to get married again, but let me tell you...it will be for very different reasons and with a much different mindset. I mean, let's get down to it...and if you really want a great perspective on the history of marriage...read Gilbert's Committed. She actually takes the time to walk through the history of marriage for you so you can see that at various times in American history, it was seen as a business deal and then the church got involved and then, the church would bow out of the "institution of marriage" and then, get back in. Depending on who was "involved" or not at the time creates the environment in which people view marriage. I completely get that Christians and other people of faith believe that God (or whomever) creates a person for you (I believe it's more like 10,000 people and you just have to find one of them) and you believe that because God has created that person for you that God should "marry" you. I get that. I had a big ginormous church wedding and despite the best planning, a great dress, hundreds of people and God, we're divorced. Had my ex and I entered marriage as a contract...an agreement...a free choice of "we like each other so let's spend lots of time together and try to make each other's lives easier", as opposed to "we've been doing this for a long time and I think you're going to be a great father and you think I'm pretty and you don't want anyone else to have me, so let's give our lives over to each other forever." Seriously? Dumb. Just go back and read that and see how dumb it is. Women often marry potential. Men...well, men marry a pretty girl who shows up at the right time.
So, back to the prenup thing...in today's world people not only have wealth, but they have debt, and I think you should create a prenup...in fact, create a contract for your whole marriage that creates a safety net for both of you. You walk in with something--you walk out with that same thing. You make something together--you each get half. Period. Done. You show up rich. You leave rich. You show up broke and in debt--take it with you when you go if you haven't paid if off by the time it's time to leave. Also, talk about who is going to do what and how your lives will be handled. Agree before you agree to do this for a really long time. With the divorce rate in this country toppling over the 50% mark, get prepared. Hopefully, you'll be overly prepared and the only decision you'll have to make is which rocking chair you want to sit in, but seriously, don't be stupid and think that marriage makes your life easier. It doesn't, but you can create an environment where it doesn't take the life out of you.
To make a long story short, get a prenup.
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