If you really knew me, you would know that this story is not really all that odd. I am rather conventional, but I do appreciate things out of the norm and am often noticing the very things that others skim over. So, the Monday of the July 4th holiday weekend in 2006, I went on this date that changed my life. There are certain people that just come into your life and change it and help you learn about yourself and it's a good thing. So, here's the long story...
My friend--we'll call her Caitlin--insisted that I get on a certain dating site that has a name that is a word that you use to light a candle. I was like, "NOOOOOO!" She insisted. In fact, she paid for the membership. So, I went on a date with one guy with weird blue eyes, then this date....and so, it begins. We had a great time on our first date and I thought..."Hey, this is easier than I thought it would be." We proceeded to date for 13 months with a brief 4-day breakup about five months in. Now, the hindsight on this one is ridiculous. I really have nothing remarkable to say about the relationship itself. It was...well, boring, for the most part, except he had a little girl and she was awesome. She was 8 at the time I met her and we immediately hit it off.
I moved in with him (stupid!) and because we couldn't seem to have an adult conversation about what bills and such I was going to pay, I moved out. I basically tried over and over again to have a conversation about what he wanted me to pay and he couldn't seem to do it. I know...crazy. Somebody's trying to give you money and you don't take it. Anyway, little girl and I were distraught and I just couldn't imagine life without her. I moved out and it totally sucked thinking I'd never see her again.
I had met little girl's mother on a handful of occasions and she was always nice to me. I knew every bad thing she'd ever allegedly done (messy divorce, to say the least). After what's his face and I split, I moved on and just figured little girl would text and call and email until she didn't need to anymore. She had already sent a handful of emails telling me that she missed me and she loved me. It killed me to think I'd never see her again. Then...one day, the phone rang.
It was a sunny Saturday and it was little girl's mom on the phone. She invited me to come visit. I said that I would and asked for the nearest hotel and she said, "Oh, no...you'll stay at our house." No, that won't be weird at all. So, to make a long story short....that was September of 2007 and I just picked little girl's mom up from the airport on Saturday...that would've been July 2, 2011...almost 4 years later.
See? That date changed my life forever. And sometimes you just meet friends in strange ways and that's never a bad thing.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
On This Day, Five Years Ago...
...I went on a date that changed my life. My divorce story is sorta interesting...only because it involves two separations and a major move caused by a reconciliation that, in hindsight, was just nuts. Anyway, a dear friend of mine immediately suggested that I get on a dating website. I absolutely recoiled at the idea, but did it anyway. Within a hot minute, I had 527,890 emails from random men in my local area. I mean...it was like a second job keeping up with all of it and I went on a date with this one guy who had piercing blue eyes and they freaked me out to the point that I struggled to keep eye contact with him. He later dissed me on date #2 stating that he didn't like that I couldn't keep eye contact (No, I am not making this up). The second date I went on was the Monday that is generally taken off in honor of July 4th whether it's July 4th or not. We went to lunch (I can't remember where) and then we went to get ice cream (which was awesome because I didn't like the flavor I got so I took his because I liked it better and he didn't complain). After that, we went to a local bar and played darts. That was some flirty dart playing, for sure. And at the end of the date, he leaned in for a kiss and I was like, "Uhhh...what're you doing?"
Kissing someone else after you've been kissing the same person for 10 years is just plain weird. Kissing, in general, is weird. I mean who thought it was a great idea to smush together these two things that smell horrible in the morning, that you pack food into all day and that you puke out of when you get sick? Yeah...nice visual, I know (it's part of the storytelling ability). Kissing, for all intent and purpose, is gross. Kissing someone you hardly know...even grosser...mainly because you don't know their hygiene habits just yet and you also don't know the last time they puked. Coulda been yesterday.
Anyway, a chicken peck ensued and we went out a few days later again and then, for 13 more months after that. Oh, but wait...how did this change my life forever? To make a long story short, read the next story.
Kissing someone else after you've been kissing the same person for 10 years is just plain weird. Kissing, in general, is weird. I mean who thought it was a great idea to smush together these two things that smell horrible in the morning, that you pack food into all day and that you puke out of when you get sick? Yeah...nice visual, I know (it's part of the storytelling ability). Kissing, for all intent and purpose, is gross. Kissing someone you hardly know...even grosser...mainly because you don't know their hygiene habits just yet and you also don't know the last time they puked. Coulda been yesterday.
Anyway, a chicken peck ensued and we went out a few days later again and then, for 13 more months after that. Oh, but wait...how did this change my life forever? To make a long story short, read the next story.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Books I'm Reading...Story #3
I read the Huffington Post everyday of my life...at least twice. I love that they have a "DIVORCE" page and actually, the articles are usually pretty interesting. The famous article by Tracy McMillian about why you're not married was posted there and it caused quite an uproar, but c'mon...read it and TRY to disagree with all it. Impossible. It's quite probable that if you're like me...upper 30's and STILL not RE-married, that you're one of the things Tracy talks about. I definitely fall into #2 and #5 without even thinking about it.
Another recent article in the HuffPost, by Donna Estes Antebi, author of The Real Secrets Women Only Whisper (which I started reading last night), talks about prenups becoming commonplace these days. I read about 5 books at one time and am likely to only finish one in the next year. I'm also reading Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert (author of eat pray love, my most favorite book ever) and she said the same thing. Don't be shocked if you get handed one and don't be shocked if you think that it might be a good idea to hand him one. I mean, it doesn't have to be about one of the two in the marriage coming in with more money than the other. It could be that the two of you actually realize that marriage is...wait...let me back up.
I loved being married. I think I was a decent wife (not the best, but good enough). I want to get married again, but let me tell you...it will be for very different reasons and with a much different mindset. I mean, let's get down to it...and if you really want a great perspective on the history of marriage...read Gilbert's Committed. She actually takes the time to walk through the history of marriage for you so you can see that at various times in American history, it was seen as a business deal and then the church got involved and then, the church would bow out of the "institution of marriage" and then, get back in. Depending on who was "involved" or not at the time creates the environment in which people view marriage. I completely get that Christians and other people of faith believe that God (or whomever) creates a person for you (I believe it's more like 10,000 people and you just have to find one of them) and you believe that because God has created that person for you that God should "marry" you. I get that. I had a big ginormous church wedding and despite the best planning, a great dress, hundreds of people and God, we're divorced. Had my ex and I entered marriage as a contract...an agreement...a free choice of "we like each other so let's spend lots of time together and try to make each other's lives easier", as opposed to "we've been doing this for a long time and I think you're going to be a great father and you think I'm pretty and you don't want anyone else to have me, so let's give our lives over to each other forever." Seriously? Dumb. Just go back and read that and see how dumb it is. Women often marry potential. Men...well, men marry a pretty girl who shows up at the right time.
So, back to the prenup thing...in today's world people not only have wealth, but they have debt, and I think you should create a prenup...in fact, create a contract for your whole marriage that creates a safety net for both of you. You walk in with something--you walk out with that same thing. You make something together--you each get half. Period. Done. You show up rich. You leave rich. You show up broke and in debt--take it with you when you go if you haven't paid if off by the time it's time to leave. Also, talk about who is going to do what and how your lives will be handled. Agree before you agree to do this for a really long time. With the divorce rate in this country toppling over the 50% mark, get prepared. Hopefully, you'll be overly prepared and the only decision you'll have to make is which rocking chair you want to sit in, but seriously, don't be stupid and think that marriage makes your life easier. It doesn't, but you can create an environment where it doesn't take the life out of you.
To make a long story short, get a prenup.
Another recent article in the HuffPost, by Donna Estes Antebi, author of The Real Secrets Women Only Whisper (which I started reading last night), talks about prenups becoming commonplace these days. I read about 5 books at one time and am likely to only finish one in the next year. I'm also reading Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert (author of eat pray love, my most favorite book ever) and she said the same thing. Don't be shocked if you get handed one and don't be shocked if you think that it might be a good idea to hand him one. I mean, it doesn't have to be about one of the two in the marriage coming in with more money than the other. It could be that the two of you actually realize that marriage is...wait...let me back up.
I loved being married. I think I was a decent wife (not the best, but good enough). I want to get married again, but let me tell you...it will be for very different reasons and with a much different mindset. I mean, let's get down to it...and if you really want a great perspective on the history of marriage...read Gilbert's Committed. She actually takes the time to walk through the history of marriage for you so you can see that at various times in American history, it was seen as a business deal and then the church got involved and then, the church would bow out of the "institution of marriage" and then, get back in. Depending on who was "involved" or not at the time creates the environment in which people view marriage. I completely get that Christians and other people of faith believe that God (or whomever) creates a person for you (I believe it's more like 10,000 people and you just have to find one of them) and you believe that because God has created that person for you that God should "marry" you. I get that. I had a big ginormous church wedding and despite the best planning, a great dress, hundreds of people and God, we're divorced. Had my ex and I entered marriage as a contract...an agreement...a free choice of "we like each other so let's spend lots of time together and try to make each other's lives easier", as opposed to "we've been doing this for a long time and I think you're going to be a great father and you think I'm pretty and you don't want anyone else to have me, so let's give our lives over to each other forever." Seriously? Dumb. Just go back and read that and see how dumb it is. Women often marry potential. Men...well, men marry a pretty girl who shows up at the right time.
So, back to the prenup thing...in today's world people not only have wealth, but they have debt, and I think you should create a prenup...in fact, create a contract for your whole marriage that creates a safety net for both of you. You walk in with something--you walk out with that same thing. You make something together--you each get half. Period. Done. You show up rich. You leave rich. You show up broke and in debt--take it with you when you go if you haven't paid if off by the time it's time to leave. Also, talk about who is going to do what and how your lives will be handled. Agree before you agree to do this for a really long time. With the divorce rate in this country toppling over the 50% mark, get prepared. Hopefully, you'll be overly prepared and the only decision you'll have to make is which rocking chair you want to sit in, but seriously, don't be stupid and think that marriage makes your life easier. It doesn't, but you can create an environment where it doesn't take the life out of you.
To make a long story short, get a prenup.
Friday, July 1, 2011
So What Happened? Story #2
Yeah...so I started the blog thing (at least) once before and it bombed when I was telling a rather simple tail of being completely overblown with "feelings" for someone for a rather long period of time (like...oh...2 years) and nothing ever having come of it. I was giving this example to explain how when that space in our lives that is solely for THE relationship that you have with ONE other person is occupied, no one else can fit in it. It may have been a whole 3-4 sentences about this one particular person and a few days after the initial posting, said person confronts me and says, "Am I the guy in your blog post?" After I attempted (and failed) to get over the absolute embarrassment of the whole thing, I decided the blog had to come down. I quickly realized that since only a few people (uh, him and like 3 other people) were reading it that I obviously felt too comfortable behind the keyboard and needed to get it all in check. It is very hard to talk about yourself without...talking about yourself. I have to keep some anonymity here, but at the same time balance the stories in a way that you'll be interested and come back for more. I mean...what's the point if people aren't reading it (and right now, today, no one is reading this blog)?
So, this time...I don't care. I don't care who reads it and I don't care if too much gets revealed. This is about using my stories, which I've agreed to tell and then let go of, to entertain, make me and you feel good while hearing it and leave a lesson behind.
One of the things I've had to learn in my life is that giving too much consideration to what other's think, in general, and/or think of you can be incredibly stifling. So, let's not do that. Let's just go with it. Let's not be afraid and let's tell our stories.
So, this time...I don't care. I don't care who reads it and I don't care if too much gets revealed. This is about using my stories, which I've agreed to tell and then let go of, to entertain, make me and you feel good while hearing it and leave a lesson behind.
One of the things I've had to learn in my life is that giving too much consideration to what other's think, in general, and/or think of you can be incredibly stifling. So, let's not do that. Let's just go with it. Let's not be afraid and let's tell our stories.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
I've Done This Before: Story #1
I started a blog some time ago at the absolute coercion of others. People have been telling me for years that I should blog because I tend to tell the stories of my life in the most entertaining way. The only problem with blogging is you don't get the full effect of...well, me. I'm short, brown-headed, with big eyes and I don't smile much. The smiling thing isn't on purpose. It's just I need a good reason. I am Southern, so I have an accent. I typically talk with funny voices, exaggerations and will sometimes feel the need to act it out. I'm a storyteller. I can take something that happened in less than a minute and turn it into a 30-minute story. I would say 99.99999% of what I tell in my stories is true. That's the scary part...all this stuff happens to me.
My original blog, though short lived, had some serious history. After--literally--years of being told I should blog about all my dating escapades, I finally did it. I set up this cute little blog thing called "DC Dating Delirium" and I embarked on telling the stories of my dating life. There will be plenty of stories about that, but the blog ended...boom!...because I got busted giving a little bit too much information. Well, that'll learn ya! So, I took it down, but I actually found it incredibly cathartic to talk about what happens in my little life.
Here's how you Make this Long Story Short...I'm in my late 30's. I'm divorced. I have a good job. I live a simple life that is seriously the busiest thing on the planet. I have dogs. I love the smell of citrus and my favorite chore is doing the laundry. Other than that...I'm just living out my life and turning it into one big story that I think isn't much different than what other people are doing...I just feel the need to write about it.
So, this is the start of some seriously storytelling, folks. If you ever feel the need to tell a story, I certainly invite you to do so, but what you have to promise me is that once you do tell the story...you must let it go. Stories are not who we are. The stories that make up our lives are only there because our memory tells us so...and I'm not really sure what a "memory" really is...I mean, where do "memories" live? In my mind? Where's that? I don't know, but I think stories should be entertaining. They should make you feel good and they should teach a lesson. So, tell your story...let it go...entertain us...feel great and leave a lesson behind.
Here we go....
My original blog, though short lived, had some serious history. After--literally--years of being told I should blog about all my dating escapades, I finally did it. I set up this cute little blog thing called "DC Dating Delirium" and I embarked on telling the stories of my dating life. There will be plenty of stories about that, but the blog ended...boom!...because I got busted giving a little bit too much information. Well, that'll learn ya! So, I took it down, but I actually found it incredibly cathartic to talk about what happens in my little life.
Here's how you Make this Long Story Short...I'm in my late 30's. I'm divorced. I have a good job. I live a simple life that is seriously the busiest thing on the planet. I have dogs. I love the smell of citrus and my favorite chore is doing the laundry. Other than that...I'm just living out my life and turning it into one big story that I think isn't much different than what other people are doing...I just feel the need to write about it.
So, this is the start of some seriously storytelling, folks. If you ever feel the need to tell a story, I certainly invite you to do so, but what you have to promise me is that once you do tell the story...you must let it go. Stories are not who we are. The stories that make up our lives are only there because our memory tells us so...and I'm not really sure what a "memory" really is...I mean, where do "memories" live? In my mind? Where's that? I don't know, but I think stories should be entertaining. They should make you feel good and they should teach a lesson. So, tell your story...let it go...entertain us...feel great and leave a lesson behind.
Here we go....
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